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Navigating “The 7 Cs of Parenting”: 7) Control

When children realize they are responsible for the outcome of their actions, they are likely to look at their choices and options more carefully and follow each one of them to the logical and final concision. This helps them to make healthy choices, where they can control the outcome of their own actions and decisions.

When parents control all of their children’s decisions, they deny their children the opportunity to learn self control. These children may feel like everything happens to them, and they can become passive and pessimistic. These children are inclined to become depressed because they see “control” as being an external factor, and they don’t feel they have any control.

On the other hand, resilient children internalize their decisions and know they have control over what happens to them.  These children know that the quality of their lives directly depends on the actions and decisions they make.  They know that they do makes a difference in their future.  This helps promote their feelings of competence and confidence.

Resilient children understand that life events are not random, but are the direct result of someone’s actions and choices.  They learn there is a balance between responsibility and freedom.  They build their future one step at a time, building upon their successes and shift the odds in their favor by choosing positive and protective behaviors.

Parents help their children feel control over life events by recognizing small successes.  Children who are rewarded with increased privileges, after they demonstrate personal responsibility, learn to manage their life, one step at a time.  When children feel in control of their lives, they are able to work toward building a solid foundation for their future.

The 7 C's of Resilience

The 7 C’s of Resilience

Download PDF on Fostering Control HERE.

To be continued…

NOTE:  In “Fostering Resilience,” The authors name the seven qualities of highly resilient youth.  The 7 Cs of parenting were adapted from The Positive Youth Development movement.  Rick Little and his colleagues at the International Youth Foundation over the course of their research founded “The 7 Cs:  The essential Building Blocks of Resilience For Parents.

Linda Johnson

Linda is a former Program Assistant and Staff Writer for Rainier Community Cares

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